This week the most curious thing happened to me. I was at the checkout in the supermarket when the cashier asked me when I was due. I replied telling her I still had almost four months to go, to which she said, ‘Gosh, you’re stout already’. Stout?! STOUT. So I started to wonder, Carrie Bradshaw style, when did it become acceptable to comment on a pregnant woman’s body? And why do people find it socially acceptable to do so when commenting negatively on a regular person’s shape would be ill received and considered rude?
In fact come to think of it, towards the end of my previous pregnancy, around seven months, the husband and I went to Ibiza on a babymoon and, the very same day we created this post, an overweight man by the pool said to me, ‘Wow, you just get bigger every time I see you’. And frankly, no matter how many times someone lovely tells me I look great, it is those negative comments that stick and replay in my mind.
Pregnancy is a tricky time and my relationship with my body this time around has been far from loving. Firstly, I feel somewhat betrayed by its inability to cope (see this post) with something so natural and, secondly, things have moved, quite literally, a whole lot faster. My bump appears to be an unstoppable train taking my belly button along with such force I have to secure it ‘in’ with surgical tape most days and when I look at photos from my first pregnancy it would seem I am already a similar proportion as I was at two months further on last time. Does this mean I will look eleven months pregnant by the end? Or will I just get there a whole lot faster?
In any case, however I look, I cannot help feeling that this is my journey with my body and not open for public discussion (I of course see the hypocrisy in publishing a blog post on the matter). Just as it is not okay to tell an overweight person they could use to shed a few pounds or to say ‘Oh, you’re soooo skinny’ to an underweight person, it is equally not okay to comment on pregnant bodies. We go through a multitude of physical and emotional changes in an extremely short timeframe and, quite frankly, there is not a heck of a lot we can do about it. Those changes will happen whether we want them to or not. Whether we are prepared for them or not. It is nature. And if anyone tells me I look ‘ready to pop’ (perhaps my very least favourite of all the regular pregnancy comments that are bound to flood in over the coming months) they better be ready… for my fist to pop in their face.
*Denotes affiliate links
OUTFIT DETAILS
suede biker – Mango
knit – Finnieston (gift 2018)
skirt – Free People
allie sneakers – Mint Velvet* (gift 2019)
avaitors – Ray-Ban*
sam saddle bag – Mint Velvet* (gift 2019)
At 7 months pregnant I was buying a nightie for the hospital from a shop which caters for larger sizes. The assistant was shocked when I told her I still had 2 months to go, and told me I look massive!! I’m normally a size 10, and was really surprised to be receiving such a comment from someone working in a shop which started at size 16. I’m also 6ft tall and regularly receive comments about being ‘big’ and my 1 year old as ‘massive’. We’re tall. That’s it. Doesn’t need to be commented on, especially in such a negative way.
Still a lot of awareness to be spread when it comes to body shaming.
You look amazing by the way!
Author
I think so often people just speak without thinking… but it can really have such a negative effect. Also… it kinda sounds like that shop assistant was in the wrong job!
How horrible for you and how dare someone say that! You’ve made me think about things I have said to pregnant colleagues at work, I hope I haven’t offended anyone but I will think about it much more carefully in future. I haven’t been pregnant but I do struggle with weight and have been on the receiving end of some less than helpful comments, so I empathise. You look amazing, always!
Author
Thanks so much Veronica 🙂 I truly don’t think she meant it in a hurtful way at all – just opened mouth before engaging brain. But it really did get me thinking about why people consider it ok to comment negatively on something so natural and outwith our control…
You look fantastic – don’t listen to any negative comments!
Author
Don’t worry, it certainly didn’t keep me awake at night! More, just got me thinking…
Loved your last sentence! But in all seriousness, folk seem to have no boundaries… A stranger once asked me if they could touch my bump…. Eh.. Naw!!!!! You look gorgeous xxx
Author
Oh no! That’s almost worse!
It is high time people should stop commenting on how big or skinny a woman looks. I am glad you shared this, this is such a serious issue. Yet nobody speaks about it. Kudos to you!
xoxo
Richael
https://www.ceraonline.org/
Author
Thanks Richael – I think if it’s a close friend or something positive then I can completely understand but when it’s a stranger it just feels a little intrusive… like, stop LOOKING at me lady… this is MY body and these are MY changes!
When I was six months pregnant with my first daughter, a lady in a fancy store said to me: “You must be very close to giving birth!” Me: “No, I still have more than three months to go!” Instead of stopping right there, she replied:”Oh wow, so it must be twins!?” Ha ha ha 🙂 Sending you my very best wishes for the remaining time of your pregnancy!