Maybe I have been a little lax this time around… I mean last time there were updates every single month (you can find them here and here) and this time I have been just about keeping my head above water. I shared the ugly truth about the first trimester and my battle with extreme sickness in this post and then pretty much got on with it. And here we are with only weeks, or days perhaps, to go…
With medication I managed to get a handle on the nausea and have only had a couple of mishaps in the past month (one of which was in front of my son who at first was full of concern for his mama, crying and needing to hold my hand, but quickly turned to laughter as he watched me heave repeatedly into the toilet bowl – thanks pal). I suffer, as I did last time, with pelvic separation which means I struggle to move around sometimes and that big ugly sausage pillow is my BFF come night time. And now and again my sciatic nerve gets caught under the weight of the baby – well that is new and a whole other level of hell – think crippling pain shooting the entire length of your leg which immediately buckles under you. The baby has initiated a fairly serious assault strategy on my ribs and I find it hard to believe that one so small can be quite so strong. And I am tired, so very tired. But you know what? It is all ok. I know the end is in sight and I could not be more grateful to be growing and carrying this little life inside of me.
I want to be completely honest and tell you that I am not one of those mothers to be who lovingly caresses her belly and feels completely besotted with her unborn babe… truth be told I do not yet feel a whole lot for this tiny person who I have not met and do not know. But I remember this from last time and what I am absolutely certain of is this – the moment we meet my whole heart will melt, my world will turn upside down and I will be utterly in love. And I am looking forward to that moment so much.
I do not feel nervous and I do not feel scared. I mean, we have done all this before right? I may not be able to remember how to bath a newborn or how the heck you dress them with their floppy little necks but we figured it out the last time and we will again.
I have been preparing for the big day by completing this series of online hypnobirthing videos and, in spite of having given birth naturally once before and that I vividly recall saying to the husband, ‘do NOT let me do it like this again’, I have adopted a new found belief that I can labour pain free and breathe the baby out at the end – that perhaps I just was not doing it quite right last time – I let the fear and tension (and therefore the pain) creep in… but not this time. I feel positive. I practice my up breathing each evening to my chosen track and most nights I fall asleep before it finishes – maybe I will sleep through my labour? I will let you know. Either way, the end result is oh so worth it.
We cannot wait to meet you little one.x